Falling in love with someone you can never have
By Duane Hewitt
For those who have never fallen in love with someone they can never have – congratulations. Consider yourselves lucky, because feeling a deep, passionate love for someone you can never have can be painfully difficult to live with.
Such love is likely to feel obsessive. You may try to push that person out of mind, but there they are again. And here are you: loving every nuance of their every movement, their inflection of voice, how they think and walk and talk and everything about them. The experience can be maddening.
Such love is bound to make you question a lot of things – like God and destiny the great expanse of the universe. Aren’t the two of you meant to be together? After what feels like eons of time, here, now, your souls have met and you recognize them as the only person in all of creation for you. So how is it that they are married to someone else?
One thing you mustn’t overlook is the exquisite experience of feeling such love. Yes, it’s painful. This one person is so deeply within your heart and yet you can never hold them in your arms. And yet, feeling this deep love is a kind of gift, like a blessing, because it permits the deep feeling of being so sublimely in love. So allow yourself to be grateful for the experience.
Or, if it helps, try this perspective on for size. You want them to be happy, right? After all, that’s what love is. So picture yourself as the great hero or heroine in this love drama. You have sacrificed everything so that your true love can be happy. After all, love is about sacrifice.
If you feel you really must find a solution before you start losing your mind, a few key pointers would be:
- Do your utmost to reduce and minimize all contact with this person. Maybe you’re in a situation, like work, where you can’t avoid this individual, but it will help if you can stop seeing them and minimize the amount you speak with them.
- Focus on other great areas of your life and put more energy into those things. This of course is a form of distraction, but in such a situation it makes sense. Just make it positive. Be it other people, your health and fitness, other outside interests, focus on those things.
- Continue to believe in love.
- Be good to yourself.
- Accept and have faith: Accept that you will never have this person but have faith that something or someone great awaits you in your future!
One dicey thing to consider is problematic. Should you tell that person how you feel or not? If you haven’t already done so, you’ve probably considered it. But no matter how you try to walk through the ins-and-outs of such a scenario, you’ll probably never know the outcome of such a choice. It could be beautiful – but it could be catastrophic!
Consider that this person may not be part of your destiny in this lifetime. For this reason, you may need to let them go. On the other hand, perhaps meeting them has helped open your heart to love. But no matter what you do or how you cope, accept that people often enter our lives at various different phases and, like all things good and bad, this too shall pass.
Copyright 2020 Duane Hewitt